Was it really love?

I follow the actress Zooey Deschanel on facebook. She’s got an adorable quality and she is generally upbeat. She also has started a websited called Hello Giggles. Today she posted a link to an article from the site.

The article describes a woman’s relationship where she broke up with a man who she says she loved. She describes the relationship as being full of excitement early on until they graduated from college. Then, all the little things that always annoyed her, she stopped ignoring. She stopped pretending they were endearing and decided they were deal breakers.

The author claims that there was love and it was genuine. And then one day, they couldn’t make it work anymore. They had to break up.

Having been married over 11 years (almost 12), and dating that person for 3 years and being engaged for a year, I can say that all relationships go through dry spells and growing pains and adjustments. And that not every relationship is truly love. There is lust. There is puppy love. There is new love. There is in-love. And then there is all the rest of it. Not all relationships will go through all of these. Sometimes getting to that point where you are willing to fold underwear with holes in it isn’t going to be possible. I’ve always said that we all want someone who will love us inspite of our faults, but mostly we’re just happy with someone who will put up with our shit. And clearly, there are relationships that will not survive. Does it mean there was actual love? Perhaps, sometimes. But I would not at all be surprised if in a few years this woman marries someone else and looks back and says, “Wait, maybe that wasn’t love after all?” Or maybe she will realize that there is deeper love than what she originally thought.

I can’t tell if what this writer is describing is, was or ever would have been love. I’m not sure if she knows either. I can only say that I the one person I really loved enough to stand in front of God and my family and vow all those things to…I wouldn’t break up with over the zillion little things that drive me crazy.

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