I went on a blog following purge earlier this year. A few I eliminated I added back in because a) I either couldn’t remember why I removed them or b) remembered and thought my reason was stupid. I’ve been happy with my decisions and that’s great.
Today, on facebook, a comment from a blogger I stopped following and did not re-follow reminded me that sometimes, trying to like someone is just not worth it.
Believe me, I want to believe everyone is wonderful ans likeable in real life, but sometimes, it’s not worth the mental effort to put into that based on their blog and comments from them I find ever-present.
This particular blogger is a mommy-blogger and she has this uncanny knack for sticking herself squarely in the middle of a debate and then heading for the hills. She often “shoots from the hip” and gets herself in over her head. The only times I didn’t see her back down (aka run away and no longer engage) in fights were on twitter where she attempted to gang up thinking the main contributers in discussion with the person she disagreed with would back her up. Unfortunately (for her), most of her would-be supporters, defended the person she attacked, even when they didn’t agree with that person. I think this blogger doesn’t realize she often presents herself in social media as falsely naive, disingenous, and an instigator. I’ve seen her husband on several comment feeds being very aggressive, so I honestly think she thinks she is the lighter touch.
Here’s the deal, I’m not going to like this person online. Period. Her statements and her delivery of them are poor at best most of the time. And she does bully people occasionally. Maybe we’d be great friends in real life, but I have my doubts. Serious doubts. So, I avoid contact.
So, why am I writing about this? Well, the reason is two-fold. One, to remind myself I don’t have to like someone else who on the outside looks like she would be just like me but really isn’t. And two, to remind myself how social media works to tear down as much as build up. I left my neighborhood’s facebook group recently (which I was briefly an admin of) because of a very childish and ugly exchange in the comments of a post. Seriously, those comments were becoming a near occasion of sin for me. And it reminded me why I know so few of my neighbors…because it’s not in my nature to like every person I meet and I want the freedom to accept and reject relationships. And if you outright reject a relationship with a neighbor who might be the only one home to help you jump your car one day…well, now you’ve got problems. My father once told me that them more people you get together the less likely everyone is to get along. People will devolve into smaller groups of like-minded interests and personalities. Thankfully I’m not a person who insists all her friends “be together and love each other” as I thought I might be as a teenager. I can respect that I might be able to be friends with a wide group of people…say all of my neighbors (I’m not but let’s just use this in a pretend scenario). However, that could never ensure all of my neighbor’s being friends with one another. And for me, that’s okay. I won’t force them all to get along. I can’t do that. So, in reality, I’m okay with being friends with some, friendly with others, cordial with a few and non-existent to more than a few. I’ve pretty much got all my bases covered with what I’ve got and I’m okay with that.
Sometimes, online, it’s not worth it to read a blogger you “should” like and “should” have a lot in common with because it causes your blood pressure to rise. And in real life, it’s not always worth it to try and be friends with people you have nothing in common with. Being friends with everyone isn’t the goal. LOVING them is. And I’ll be the first to say, it’s a whole lot easier for me to love some people when we don’t interact.