I guess I should have known when I decided to sleep in an hour this morning: today would be one of those days. The morning went fine. I slightly overcooked the bacon but the kids ate it with no complaints. Everyone got dressed and went to school with minimal hassle.
We said prayers. All of them. All the various novenas I’m saying (because I’m masochistic I say multiples at one time) were prayed and requested.
But something just feels off. I have these days sometimes. Everything is right everywhere but in my head and heart and I just ask God over and over to let me get through this. Let me get by so I can get to the good stuff. Because I know there is good stuff. Lots of it.
Let me fully appreciate that fall is here and the first two days have been real fall days. Let me glory in the quiet I have this morning even though it means I will have to work tonight. Please God, let me feel all those blessings!
But, God’s letting me feel this way and as much as I would like to hand it back and say, “no, the happiness-joy please,” I am way too old to think that is going to work. There is a reason for this feeling today. I’m not sure what it is and maybe I’ll never know, but God does.
Evelyn and Annabelle say “God has a plan.” They are so right. God does have a plan. And in these odd, dry spells, it’s what I cling to. God has a plan even when I feel like nothing, or am crying my eyes out and don’t know why, or when I am inexplicably happy. God has a reason, God has a plan. His plan is better than everything I can imagine because He sees and knows all. Today I am like Moses in the 40 years in Midian. Wondering, “what happened? how did I get here again? God, have you forgotten me?” Tomorrow I may be like Moses in Egypt before fleeing, over-confident and believing in my abilities and not remembering all comes from God. Or I might be like Moses as he returned to Egypt to free his people KNOWING all is from God and not forgetting it. God is using this time. God is preparing me heart and soul. God has a plan. He knows. This day may seem hard for no good reason (and believe me, I’m wracking my brain for one but even hormones don’t seem to cover how I’m feeling) but there is a good reason, God’s reason.
God help me to follow your will, not my own. Help me to embrace this time, however long or brief you deign it to be. Help me remember your sovereignty and your might and your ability to use ALL OF IT for good. As much as I’d like this moment to pass, please know I want Your divine and perfect will even more. Amen