The Things We Carry

I just read a blog about a foreign service family that is leaving one post for their next one. And I admit it. I cried.

In some ways what they are going through is much more difficult. They are moving from one foreign country to another. They have to do things like exchange currency and arrange for pets to be transported internationally.

In some ways what we are doing is more difficult. There are no mixers for new families in the area. No housing allowances.

But in most ways, it’s the same. We say good-bye to people we’ve grown to care about, even love. We hope that the teachers in town x are as great as the ones in town y (or better than). We hope our new parish is welcoming. We wonder if the now jobless spouse will be able to find work.

What we carry with us when we move from one place to another is our faith that God will provide and fill in those gaps that exist. That God will provide that job and good kids for our kids to be friends with. That everything will work out according to His plan when our plans seem to be falling apart.

We carry young children with anxiety that we try to quell while working through our own emotions. We carry memories made in houses we have made into homes. Over and over I’ve told William, “we’ll all be together, and as long as we’re together, we’ll be home, it doesn’t matter where we are!” And I believe myself enough to make him believe me.

Right now, after the anxiety of will our house actually sell (and I’ve seriously given that to Jesus, Mary and Joseph) my biggest anxiety is if I will be able to get a job. Yes, there are grocery stores there, but I’m wary of finding another boss who will work with my schedule the way my current one does. Jeff wants me to work in the school system. He can get me interviews, but he certainly can’t make anyone hire me. And all the interviews he got me in the past, the job went to someone else with the same reason, I “wasn’t what (they) were looking for,” or wasn’t “the right fit.”

I try to put that out of my mind because, we have to sell this house first before I can even begin to think about job hunting. I also have to have us moved and unpacked before I can even begin to be so worried…

Yes, I carry worry and fear but also excitement and joy. Anxiety and stress but hope and dreams too. Any major life change carries with it these things. But it does not define them. It is not so much what we carry with us as the way we carry it. Do we choose to focus on the positive more than the negative? Do we ask for God’s will and really want it? Or do we want God to bend His will to our desires? When we carry with us our trust in God, we carry all we need for that next phase no matter how odd or stressful or even downright awful it may seem.


One thought on “The Things We Carry

  1. {Hugs}

    You guys have my prayers. You are looking at things so right, though. God bless you for your faithfulness. Really.

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