Dear Kristen, Does it Ever Get Easier? Signed, A Mom with No Babies to Hold

Does it ever get easier? No.

Do we get more grace as time goes on? Usually, yes.

My 35th birthday is approaching and to get this message via email made my heartache.

Easy, never.

But the thing about grace is: it doesn’t exempt you from sadness or that odd empty feeling or anger or frustration or pain. It doesn’t bring understanding. It just is. It is an odd peace in the middle of all those emotions. Some days when your tears just can’t be held back any longer, you feel as though He has his arm around your shoulders saying, “I know, I know. There is a reason, little comfort that is in this moment, but I promise you there will be a reward. I said it right there in Luke 6: 21

Blessed are you who are now weeping, for you will laugh.

And I promise you, I meant it.”

It is that grace that brings you through when you’ve seen the 80th new baby pic or bump pic or ultrasound on facebook, twitter, or in email that week. Grace that allows you to smile when a friend tells you she’s pregnant with her sixth. Grace that helps you make the most of Mother’s Day with your mom, even as you wonder if you’ll ever get to celebrate for yourself.

New Years is a time for starting over, making things new, but for those on the infertility treadmill (whether primary or secondary) it is 12 more months of “is this it? Could it be this month?” A lucky few will find the new year one of blessed new beginnings. But for those who do not get blessed in this way, I can’t promise you it will be easy. I can only tell you to look to Him whose promises are the only true ones in this world. May God Bless you in the coming year.