Because I think you all should be subject to my lunacy

Ordering a pizza is stressing me out.

Seriously.

Here’s the deal, Jeff is going to be home late tonight. Very late. He has to handle some family business. His family doesn’t own a business but he has to handle some business that is family related…anyhow, he emailed me today to order a pizza and wings and write a check for dinner. No big deal, right?

Except, it is. Because for reasons too nuanced (I like that word “nuanced” it sounds so much more sophisticated than “complicated) to go into here, Jeff has a checking account and I do not. I have a paypal like card my employer deposits my paychecks to. Better for me, I don’t have to worry about minimum balances and the money I bring in is so small, it just works out better this way. That’s the not the complicated part. The complicated part is that my name appears nowhere on Jeff’s checking account. He usually leaves a check or two signed for me in case of an emergency or something like this.

So, why can’t I just used the check he left signed for me? The following conversation is why:

Me (to manager of national pizza chain on the phone): I was wondering if I might be able to use a check for payment.

Manager: As long as you can provide photo id, we can gladly accept your check.

Me: Well, the check is my husband’s and he’s not home but he left it for me to use.

Manager: Is your name on the check?

Me: No.

Manager: Then we would have to have your husband’s ID to accept the check.

Me: I can provide you with my ID stating I am who I say I am and my marriage license and as back-up my social security card. And my birth certificate too if you want it.

Manager: I’m sorry ma’am, it’s against our company check acceptance policy to take a check without the account holder’s photo id.

Sooooo. Let me get over the being called “ma’am” part first. Okay, I’m over it. I understand why companies have this policy and it is probably unusual for a couple who has been married as long as we have to not have a joint checking account. And I do have money in my account that I can use and cash to make the payment. (The cash is money I am giving to Jeff to cover some bills, but I can use it if I need to.) So, what, Kristen, if anything, is your problem? It certainly looks like I don’t have a problem. The problem is, Jeff likes things done a certain way. And that way, for this situation, is by a personal check. And if I do it some other way, he won’t be mad, but it will just throw him off dramatically. He is a creature of routine and that’s okay, most of the time. But it causes me anxiety to throw his routine off because he will get all squirrely about it and I don’t feel like dealing with squirrely, I just don’t. So, now I contemplate, debit card (better because I can order online and include tip there and everything is good). Or cash, where I will have to count out the tip on the spot and hope I remember and hope the drive has change.

As you can see, I am completely devoid of having normal person problems. No, no, something as simple as ordering a pizza will cause me to break out in a rash.

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