After spring break, our life was a roller coaster of crazy. Shelby had an appointment for an evaluation at Duke. I started working again. Will had his birthday. I had meetings. Joey had a stomach virus. Shelby graduated kindergarten. Every week it was something.
Then June hit. June and I are not getting along this year. Not at all. While Shelby finished the school year on a high note, since then there have been many disappointments. The camp we highly anticipated Shelby attending informed us last week that they could not take Shelby the remainder of the summer because her needs were too high (this was a camp designed for kids with autism). At work, our hours have been cut drastically. I was in the ER last week at 3 am with Joey for asthma and crouping. One of my high school English teachers who was also a friend died very unexpectedly. I, and both boys, have summer colds. Will had a stomach virus. And then Shelby had a totally disastrous potty training day that included her biting me. A behavior she has not had since she was fifteen months old. None of these things alone would spell chaos but combined…well, I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
But not spiritually. It seems God’s quiet in this storm has kept me going. Yes, my temper has been short. Yes, I have had to give myself time outs, but I have kept going. I applied for a second job while giving my current one an additional day of availability. I doubt highly I will get a call for the second job, but at least I applied in hopes that something additionally better to what I have now is out there. I am trying to piece together some semblance of a schedule for Shelby. Camp had been the plan for the entire summer, so this is no small feat. But I’m still trying to make playdates, etc work. I am trying to look at my cold as an indication I need to slow down a little and get more rest even though life is increasingly hectic.
I am focusing on what is positive, good news about my husband’s job, the fact that I have a job no matter how pathetic the hours because I love the people I work with and my customers and the company, that my friend is hopefully able to meet the Lord in person now, that I have friends who rush to the phone when they hear me question my parenting skills out loud on facebook because of setbacks to make sure that I am okay and ask what they can do to help, that I have a super-supportive community of fellow autism parents who offer to help with playdates and beach trips, and that I am really good at Plants vs Zombies on the iPad. Oh and the Kings won the Stanley Cup.
Amidst all the chaos, the disappointment, the sadness, God has been there. God has focused me on the joy even though I’ve had strong moments of doubt. The answer to many prayers will occur this weekend. The answer to thousands of prayers over the last two years was revealed yesterday. God has done His fair share of telling us “no” and “not yet” over the past couple of weeks, but those “yeses” were big. And the joy we are still seeking is still there, if we look close enough to find it.
“Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.” ~Jerry Garcia