It can feel like nothing and then feel like yesterday

Today I was reading this beautiful post by Lauren. There are times when I don’t ever think about miscarriage. And then there are times when it slaps me in the face. Most days I look at my family around the dinner table and can’t believe there are three kids sitting at it. Some days, I remember there would have been more.

Recently several friends announced pregnancies. Many are due in the early part of next year some even sooner than that. And for some reason, quite a few of these new pregnancies, have followed a miscarriage. Living through the loss with my friends has been humbling as I have grown closer to many. For some it was the first loss they had. For those who had suffered a loss before, it was still just as devastating.

One friend told me upon finding out she was pregnant again after a miscarriage, “I don’t want to tell people. I know the pain won’t be any more or less if I do or don’t. I just need to enjoy the moment to myself right now, it could be fleeting.” I know her pain. Another friend in the same boat said, “I was always the person nagging others about finding out the sex of their baby or knowing the baby’s name. And I was always so eager to find it out myself with my kids and give the name out as soon as possible. But right now, that’s not even a consideration. We’re not finding out the sex and we’re keeping names to ourselves. This baby is the greatest gift. I don’t want to reveal the present before the big day.” I know that feeling as well.

I am reminded in all of this of these words: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you…” Jeremiah 1:5 and these ones as well: “For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Ps 139:13-14

For whatever reason we are given our children who were born into heaven they too are precious gifts. They are always with us. Their presence is always known to God even if the day to day life we lead doesn’t always give us time to remember and reflect upon our time with them. And that is why, like Lauren, we should look at our families each and every day and give thanks, even if through tears.


One thought on “It can feel like nothing and then feel like yesterday

  1. Amen †

    Sometimes when I am getting really frustrated with any or all of my kids, I remember people I have know who have lost their children, before birth or after, and it helps keep things in perspective. I might still be right being frustrated, but it helps keep the bigger picture in focus.

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