I am an oldest child. I have the classic “control freak” gene. It doesn’t help that I am the oldest child of two oldest children. I am in constant need to know what is around the next corner. I have social anxiety disorder because, in part, I can’t predict what will happen or how people will react to me.
It’s a pretty rotten way to live, I can tell you that for sure. I have ruined many a trip, party and anything you else you could imagine because I spent too much time trying to figure out how to make things go my way, instead of embracing the way things are.
It’s times like these that I realize I’m not letting God be God and I’m trying to do His job for Him. FAIL. Epic FAIL. Monumental FAIL. Have you figured out yet that doing this is a FAIL of massive proportions?
When I think about this, I think of the movie Bruce Almighty when God (played by Morgan Freeman) gives Bruce (Jim Carrey) all of his powers and Bruce seems to think that answering yes to everyone’s prayers is the way to go. As much as a secular movie starring Jim Carrey can, it drove home the point to me that there is a reason God’s plan happens the way it does. Because it is ALWAYS best.
And why do I waste my energy on things like if two people at a party see each other who don’t like each other. Particularly when it is NOT my party! Why do I have to let something that is of no concern and no consequence to me bother me? Because I’m not letting God deal with it, that’s why.
So it becomes my struggle each and every day. I pray for God’s will in all things. Then I fester and worry and bite my nails and freak out a few times and finally I try taking things into my own hands where they disastrously come to ruin. And then, as I am praying for a way out I hear God laughing…”Silly girl, didn’t I tell you before? I got this! I really do!” And sheepishly I turn back and thank Him again and again because He does have this. And I don’t have a clue.