Okay, I want the whole world to know that I am TOTALLY 1000% behind Katherine on this one…without facebook, I typically have very little interaction with anyone over the age of four/five. I am, in a way, a hermit. I miss a lot of people right now. People I didn’t expect to miss as much as I do. But I am sticking with this. If it kills me and my social life, I’m sticking with it (by the way I fully suspect my friend count to be close to zero by Easter).
The loneliness has seemed more acute now because, well, on Tuesday Jeff cancelled our satellite (just in time for Lent) and since Wednesday all or at least one child has been sick and Shelby hasn’t been to school since then. So, except for Jeff being home this weekend, I’ve really had little adult interaction.
When Jeff is here, I don’t seem to notice that most of my social life is with toddlers. But during the weeks when he is gone, it can get rather trying to realize I’m having the same conversation for the fifth time during the day about why we put our shoes up when we take them off.
This time also makes me value my good friends even more. Not that I’m regularly taking them for granted, but it does help to be reminded the level of sanity they provide in my life!
As I have spent these first few days of Lent without the luxury of facebook (I did exist for many years prior to it, I am reminded now), I find myself realizing more than ever that the emptiness we feel as humans in our souls is most completely and ONLY filled by God. It allows me to open myself up to God in ways I haven’t in quite some time (since having children would be an accurate time assumption). The prayers I am saying, the novenas, devotions are bringing me closer to God and further from myself. I do not for a second believe that facebook has ever brought me further away from God, but I believe I allowed myself to try and fill the voids with things like facebook, twitter and even blogging that could never fill them as God does.
I find this time to be my stillness as it were. My time to just be and know that God is there and not constantly petition but appreciate what He has done for me, in me and through me. I know that orthodox Catholics with a capital “O” have an aversion to Marty Haugen, but I feel that his rendition of the 95th Psalm describes how I feel during these times of preparation, Advent and more fully Lent, “For you O Lord, my soul in stillness waits. Truly my hope is you.”