A good friend and I were recently lamenting the loss of people we once considered close in our lives. These people are still alive and kicking, just not to the same tune as we are anymore. And for reasons we can’t completely understand. These movements apart are not a result of distance or even diverging interests or places in life so much as they are attitude adjustments.
For me, a lot of times, it’s a matter that for my personal mental health, I no longer deal with drama kings and queens. I also have no time for the “it’s my way or no way” people. For me, friendship is about two people doing their part, if I’m doing it all, it’s gonna die. I’m gonna let it.
I’ve been re-examining a lot of my relationships lately, even ones that are, by all accounts great, and wondering if the majority are really necessary for my personal betterment. I actually have days where I wonder if I might be ok with just being a stay-at-home mom and wife and not rely on outside friendships at all. But that is borne of guilt. Guilt about my best friend and what he gave up for me.
I honestly cannot say that any of my friendships ended or were otherwise changed by my getting married. I can’t say the same for my husband. A lot of friends he used to visit regularly and used to communicate with often, he has stopped doing those things with because of me. He married later than they did and to someone much younger. I would say 95% of the time, diverging interests is why these relationships waned. There are some exceptions and I’ll avoid talking about them here. It makes me sad that there is nothing we can do to increase involvement but more and more I’m hearing, that no one wants kids around, or no one can work around a nap schedule. I’m sad for my husband. I wonder if one day he’ll wake up with no friends outside of our marriage at all.
I’m not going to end friendships to “make us even” and I’m probably going to let friendships that should end linger longer than normal, but I’m wary of many new friends. The old Girl Scout song says ,”Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.” But in many cases, I wonder how relevant that still is today…